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Monday 15 September 2008
Monday 1 September 2008
Jokes 4 A Change-Part 1
Keep Laughing..............
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
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Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
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Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
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Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
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Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.
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Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
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10 Commandments
TEN COMMANDMENTS
Read this... Think...
The most damaging one letter word :I Avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word :WE Use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word :EGO Kill it.
The most used four-letter word :LOVE Value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word :SMILE Keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word :RUMOUR Ignore it.
The most enviable seven-letter word :SUCCESS Achieve it.
The most nefarious eight-letter word :JEALOUSY Distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word :KNOWLEDGE Acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word :CONFIDENCE Trust it.
Read this... Think...
The most damaging one letter word :I Avoid it.
The most satisfying two-letter word :WE Use it.
The most poisonous three-letter word :EGO Kill it.
The most used four-letter word :LOVE Value it.
The most pleasing five-letter word :SMILE Keep it.
The fastest spreading six-letter word :RUMOUR Ignore it.
The most enviable seven-letter word :SUCCESS Achieve it.
The most nefarious eight-letter word :JEALOUSY Distance it.
The most powerful nine-letter word :KNOWLEDGE Acquire it.
The most essential ten-letter word :CONFIDENCE Trust it.
Install Love...
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided
to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to
proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have
you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other
programs running right now. Is it okay to install
while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running
right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase
PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It
may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no
longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually
overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to
completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you
tell me how?
CS Rep. : My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and
invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as
necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing
itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says
it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you
see that message?
to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep. : Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to
proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think
I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep. : The first step is to open your HEART. Have
you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other
programs running right now. Is it okay to install
while they are running?
CS Rep. : What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE,
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running
right now.
CS Rep. : No problem. LOVE will gradually erase
PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It
may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no
longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually
overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to
completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly
installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you
tell me how?
CS Rep. : My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and
invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as
necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing
itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep. : Yes. You should receive a message that says
it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you
see that message?
Find Motivation To Exercise...
1. Think about how out-of-shape you are now. Try running the mile or doing any other kind of exercise and see how long you last. It would be a miracle if non-runner adults could get a mile time of less than 10 minutes.
2. Find reasons for becoming fit. Some reasons include:
2. Find reasons for becoming fit. Some reasons include:
- Weight loss: Doing track will shave minutes off your mile time and inches off your belly.
- "High": When you exercise your body releases endorphins, which cause your self-esteem to go up.
- Become better at your job. If you are in the military or law-enforcement, it's always good to have good endurance, and if you smoke, quit it.
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